Most of the time but not Always……
On Sunday I went for a stroll down the street with my daughter.
I came across a street vendor with his little truck parked on the sidewalk selling beautiful plants, shrubs and trees.
How could you not love this color?!
So, I had to bring it home….
When I asked the lady: ” Is it always this beautiful” she replied: ” No, not always….. there is a short period in which it bears no flowers ….and added…but most of the time it is ! ”
And when she perhaps noted slight hesitation, she went on to say: But in that short term when there is no flowers, the tree is still beautiful, still alive and it just needs time to prepare for a new, beautiful bloom. And you will still remember her flowers then, even if you can not see them !
Tonight those words rung up in my head again as I was pulling my hair out on this end…..
I missed a deadline in signing up my daughter for an activity. This means she will miss out for the rest of the year not able to join her friends when they take off on a Wednesday afternoon after school on their adventures. Detrimental for a little girl desperate to make new friends in her new environment.
I try to be a good mother and I am most of the time….but not always……
So I try very hard tonight to convince myself that there will be a time when we slip up, where we make mistakes, where we are not as efficient as we should be….but it is not always possible to be on top of it all. And I have to forgive myself for that.
There will come a time when I will be in full bloom again, able to handle it all and not let my kids suffer the consequences of my mistakes. Breaks my heart !
Right now there are a lot of balls to keep in the air and I am not able to bear flowers and be as beautiful and efficient as I would love to be….but I am hoping that this period will be short lived so that I can get it right again…. still not all the time…but hopefully most of the time.
That’s just life….. we can be beautiful – MOST of the time…but not ALL the time. Nobody is capable of that and we have to forgive ourselves for that from time to time…. or our tree will die within and that new bloom will never come.
“Ease up on yourself Mom, you’re just human…and new to this town…. and there is life after school activities…. ” she says…. with that awful feeling deep down. Your kids will remember your beautiful flowers, and the things you did right when things go wrong. You will bloom again. Just not today.