When details don't matter

12
Apr

On Sunday we returned from Morocco. What a wonderful time we had !

On Sunday we also celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary.

For a person obsessed with details in arranging everything, I am still astounded to this day about how little I cared about the details of my wedding day.

I was so busy with my career at the time that I squeezed in the details for this big day in the few moments I had to spare in-between deadlines and client demands.

Which is why I printed the church leaflet after midnight in a backstreet alley of a martial arts guru’s studio where lots of things went on that I pretended to not notice…. but it was already 2 nights before the wedding and no print shop could help me at that late stage anymore….

….which is why I only showed up at my parents’ house the day before the wedding after my dad threatened to come get me if I don’t pack up my work and come home to be on time for the ceremony…

….which is why I left the designer to choose the design and the fabric for my dress and only fitted it once…yes, the dress wasn’t even white – only because she decided ivory would go nicely with my hair color –

….which is why I had nothing to wear on my head/ over my face which had upset a lot of my aunts attending the wedding

….which is why my mom went to a connection she had to open up his shop the night before the big day and dye the only pair of  shoes we could find the day before to be in an ivory colour to match my dress

…which is why I had nothing to decorate my hair with which left the hairdresser no choice but to pull a piece of flowers from my bouquet to put in my hair

…which is why my sister-in-law went home while they were already doing my hair and I then realized that I had no earrings to wear..and she found an old pair of hers !

Yes, the list goes on – those were not even small details that were left unattended to. Those were the big things..

And yet – I had a lovely wedding. Despite my significant lack of planning!

Which just brings me to the point….that apart from having beautiful photos to remember the day, weddings are one of those where despite popular belief, it is not ALL about the details. Had it depend on how perfect that day was or was not…. my marriage would have certainly had to fall apart by now…. and many having had a perfect day with attention to every little detail, may have ended already their journey together. There is nothing wrong with either of these options (meaning very little planning or over the top planning for several years) …and I am totally for planning your day to the finest degree of detail ! But I am relieved to report that the wedding day is not all about the detail….

In this case the difference is not in the detail….

The difference is in choosing the right person to marry.

Eighteen years on, having a box full of memories with photos of the most divine details from a picture perfect day would have helped nothing had we lost the love since that day.

Not that I am trying to justify my sluggish approach to my big day..which still astounds me AFTER writing this post….only that I am relieved to have discovered that it did not matter in the end…so, to all you beautiful brides-to-be out there….

Yes, I am all for making your wedding day the most beautiful day …but today’s post has just one message for those still planning…let this event’s details not be only about that day…this is one of the few times when the event is not the end in itself, but it is only the beginning…..of a life of details – not of your own, but of how you and your partner can manage to integrate your life’s details with one another …

Feeling blessed to have the best husband ever that brought me this beautiful bouquet today, I am fully aware of the difference he has made in sharing my life with him….


ps – and for those of you too tied up in your careers right now…it’s not worth it !! Take a break – plan your big day… your marriage might last forever..your first job – definitely not !!

And in honor of beautiful weddings… I promise to share a post or two on that topic… ! Keep checking in…
We don’t celebrate our anniversary in a big way, but our anniversary day was the same as my in-laws and the day after my parent’s wedding day…just many, many  years after.
That was always very special about this date we chose for our wedding.
Both sides have now lost a spouse and only the memories remain…
Last year was my parents’ final anniversary before my mom passed away only months later…. They celebrated 50 years of marriage on their last anniversary…
It was also her last day at home before she had to leave home forever into a place of care because of her Alzheimer’s.
We celebrated it with them in a very plain, simple way…..simply by being together and sharing a last meal together with them.
It was a happy day and it was a sad day. One year ago. And a day I will never forget.
But what grace they had to be together for so long .
So, for us – a long way to go still – whatever lies ahead…..for better or worse, in sickness and health !
Ilze


Comments

No responses to When details don't matter

  • bertus says:

    Kan dit ook nie eintlik glo nie, maar dis n nice way of looking at it

  • Esra says:

    It is 2:30am here. Can not sleep. Now you made me cry. I need to talk or write to you soon. Going thru what you did last year with your mom but with both of them.

  • Grethe says:

    Vreemd hoe helder ek die DETAIL van daardie dag kan onthou. Oom Coert wat so kort kort by die kamer in geloer het. En die honderde pepperminetjies wat ons vooraf gemaak het. En hoe presies perfek die vierkantige tafels geskuif moes word. Jou rok bly nogsteeds mooi, al het die mode verander. Ek dink wel ek sal ‘n ander nommertjie laat maak as ek nou weer moet kies 😉 Snaakse gedagte, maar ek wonder waar is daai bankie waarop pa en ma hier bo gesit het??? Dalk sal hy weet….

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