We are taking these small steps….

27
Aug

Today this photo caught my eye as I was looking for something.
It is a note from my mom – 17 years ago….
(read below to see what it says)
My mom ALWAYS left notes for me – 
be it when I would get home late after a date and she was already in bed or not there, 
or be it years later after we had left the house many years already.
Next week my dad will be visiting me from an overseas country.
This will be his first time ever leaving the country without her.
It will be his first time going on holiday without her.
My mom, living with Alzheimers, was placed in a home of care, the week after their 50th wedding anniversary. 
 It was a big and heartbreaking move to make.
It will be impossible for her to make the journey to come visit us.
And as I saw this photo, I realised that she will never be able to step into my house again and neither would I in hers.
I have known this for a while..but some days it strikes harder than others….
It was not my idea to have this photo out today to make me sad…but it is my reality.
No more notes from her to me or from me to her
She can neither read nor write anymore and hardly comprehend anything you even say.
It breaks my heart to know that my dad has to come alone – for his sake as well as ours, 
but we need to take these small steps to move on with the important role he still plays in our lives.
These are sad, but necessary steps to take.
It will surely be on his mind when he departs. 
A departure from yet another part of the life he shared with my mom.
But these notes I am forever thankful for and however painful it is to write this and as sad and sobbing as this has made me today,  so happy it makes me that I took this picture that day to remind me of how special she made me feel and how proud she was with this accomplishment of mine….even if she had to do it in lipstick on the mirror !!!
Today she can not be there for us anymore.
But we can still be there for her.
I will miss her on this visit.
But I am thankful for my father whom I can still welcome in my home.
He will be in our home.
And she will be in our hearts.
I will write my dad a note when he arrives 
and I will leave some flowers in his room when he comes.
Flowers……for my mom.

The note translated:

“The first C.P.A (CA) to have slept in this room in 25 years !
Luckily she did not take 25 years to get there…
The C.P.A (CA) was 3 years old when she moved into this room
and 3 years ago she married the most wonderful husband that a women’s heart could desire….
Congratulations you two !”

Written by my mom to me (in her own lipstick !! 😉 , the first weekend we went home for a visit, after I became a CPA.
We lived in the same house for 30 years and this was in my room where I grew up.
Typically my mom, she did not only include me in the congratulations, but equally so she praised my husband with this achievement as she knew he was with me every step of the way in getting this qualification. 
Ilze


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