Facebook Post caviat
A little caviat to my last two facebook posts.
I am not depressed and I am not unhappy. It may sound like a ranting and raving post, but sometimes I just blurt it out. So here are a few things you need to know in addition to that post.
I do fully support the decision for my husband to work away from home. His absence in physical presence is replaced with many other touchpoints where he displays his care and affection for me and our family as a whole. And all that working is paying a lot of bills and financing a lot of fun projects for me personally.
It is hard to not go to bed with a loved one, night after night. It is lonely. But it is temporary. And that is a blessing in itself. For others there is no changing such situation. And it is even harder for him – He is all by himself. I am with the kids. I slip into bed with the little one, when I need a body to snuggle up to…..and when she says with her sleepy breath with many hours of sleep already behind her …in a semi state of consciousness “I love you Mama”…. I completely forget that she was the one who did not want or need my help on her poster. She needs me.
I do have some answers to my question of why I would be that stay home mum. Firstly it is explained by the fact that I could take my shower at noon and not need to be out the door by the crack of dawn to go to work. Secondly, I also almost forgot why I need to be here even though my kids don’t need help with College applications and Council posters…. I run a small taxi service for a fifteen and eighteen year old.
I am not complaining about all the things I have to do. I am priviledged to have most of them…a family, a sister, a husband, a household…. but it does wreak havoc on my system. Mostly out of my own doing. As I stated, my struggle is to keep boundaries on when to go to bed, when to wake up and when to say “This day is done”.
I am also not complaining about the workload. I have nannies and helpers and staff who helps with cooking and cleaning and caretaking….. I am just still looking for a person that would do the 10 minute daily workout on my behalf. No one has applied for that job yet. It ‘s vacant, if anybody’s interested.
Facebook posts are small tea times I have with those global friends with whom I find it impossible to visit with in person. What better way to let all you friends know what is on your mind today. Yes, I wish I could share all the nilly willy of everyday on my blog…. but my kids have protested the invasion of their privacy on a public forum and even in unspoken terms I am hesitant to sacrifice the sacred nature of family conversation for public consumption.
Putting out a post about your problems when you have a lot of privilege can come across wrong. To be honest, that does not even occur to me unless somebody points that out. But I have also seen people of poverty put out a facebook post with too many spelling errors and then others slam them for that…. so, the truth of the matter is that it is not what we say or who says it that matters. We are humans and we judge and people are people and make up their minds one way or the other. Just don’t let that discourage you from putting it out there. Let them make of it what they want.
We all have our weaknesses. We all make mistakes. We hide some. We show some. I never spend money I don’t have. But I do often spend money I should spend differently. Weakness. I buy a bag I did not need and I wonder – why did I do that? Other days I buy a bag of oranges I also don’t need but I feel compelled to let the person who sell the oranges have a better day. I complain about my weight but I eat cupcakes. And so, nobody really feels sorry for me anyway. It is just the way it is sometimes.
I waste hours and hours on my businesses – even though most of them are simply ideas in my head that never ever made it to even a most basic business plan. But that’s ok. Because that is just another day in my own little Paradise of not having to fill my mind with worries about a disease killing me or a job suffocating me. Even though I have to admit – sometimes I do worry about a disease that I don’t even have?! That is just the power of the mind pulling you in to its power of panic some days.
The multi-million dollar house we live in gathered mold from a leak the same way any shack would have. And that mold, if not dealt with correctly could be potentially toxic, hazardous and unsafe. Houses can’t protect us from the rot that can creep in from the outside world and make its way to within. The house bears a shield, but it can’t guarantee that a secret killer won’t sneak in from the outside, through that shield and start rotting us away on the inside. And when we start seeing those black patches on the wall appear, we need to act very swiftly. Because these walls of privilege don’t protect us from everyday struggles others have too. Even when most people’s first reaction on your problems are – You have nothing to complain about !
Sometimes a quick Facebook post wipe away what was on the wall and in the mind in a moment.
Sometimes it needs a bigger intervention.
The reality is – I have wonderful community of souls who connect with me on one level or the other.
Sometimes via Facebook. Sometimes in simply a thought.
Other times I drown in a sea of Whatsapp messages and sometimes Whatsapp is a lifesaver when I try to move a cupboard in a room on a different continent.
We have to take the good WITH the bad.
Or the bad WITH the good.
Whichever way you look at it. We all have both.
Nobody has only good and Nobody has only bad.
That is then my Friday Post about my Facebook Post.
I turned off comments on my blog because those Spammers are so annoying and I just dont want to deal with them. I’d much rather deal with haters than spammers.
So – I wont be taking your comments or calls here…..
But I will post these posts to the Blog’s Facebook page where you can chat with me more on this subject !
Or just have a giggle in your head because you know me so well and you know where I am coming from !!
Have a Wonderful Weekend !!Ilze